About Me

Just thought I'd splash my newest design patterns on here. I call this "The Drink Fairy In Mushroom Land".

I am just bored and trying to figure out brand new ways to occupy my time. I figure since my friend Dingo is doing an amazing blog, and my ex-friend noah is doing an amazing blog, I'm not really having very many amazing things happen in my life anymore. Since I jumped ship on the circus, I haven't really had a whole lot of action at all. Kinda makes me wonder just what the hell. I should be looking for folks who know what they're doing as far as promotions are concerned,

I'm a musician by trade, I should be able to get gigs with just my guitar or sitar playing alone, but I haven't really managed to find many shows with that, not that it's not good, it's just I don't really know where to look. I know there's gotta be a market for it out there somewhere, I have great music online all over the place, youtube, soundclick, myspace, tons of stuff.

I'd love to show folks what I do, and I'd love even more to make new stuff with new people, but i think I ran out of city to explore. Portland's got a great culture, and I wish I was part of it still.
As the world slips by me, I think more and more, there's gotta be a fucking way I can get involved in something again. I'm so fucking bored lately, I wish I had more to do than just video games and surfing internet for musicians who may or may not want to have anything to do with me, and for that fact, searching for places close enough to me that i could walk or afford a taxi if i go perform there, being without a car, I'm extremely limited as to where I can go, considering the fact that the bus stops running past 10:30 PM, which sucks, most of the action in the city happens past 9pm at best.

So here I am, dreaming of the past, thinking of what things may come in the future, contemplating pressuring my wife to do some more music with me, but she's always busy doing something else, and she has a bad case of A.D.D. so when I try to get her to do more than one thing at a time, she gets angry. I get upset inside, but only a little bit, she is wonderful otherwise. She's not got the burning desire to do music that I do, though. Sometimes I feel like it's really just a hobby for her, and for some reason or an other, she has a terrible block. I want to do music with her badly, but getting it out of her is hard.

I think maybe it's so hard to get music out of my wife because we really don't have anywhere to take it, and no means to take it somewhere.

We like to dream of one day saving the world with wisdom from hidden worlds, and fantasize of the world that will be when the world wakes up... But sometimes it appears quite dismal, and people end up staying ignorant for their whole lives.

One thing is for certain, we do have it easy, nothing but smooth sliding for us both.

It's been a much needed resting period, being hellishly busy all the time with stuff

made my heart hurt, but at the time I was most successful I was single and really going

through hell in my mind. Now that I have a clearly lucid point of view, it's as if things have

entirely changed, people from different circles are resurfacing with friendships I didn't expect to be there for me. My friend Balam Mcnally is turning out to be a good friend again, it was pleasant to see him take some time to get out and hang with me, especially in my mother's roach infested home. That took bravery, seriously. My mother lives in HAP housing, and the roach problem is so terrible where she lives, and it's really not her fault, if it were not for the roaches, her house would be as clean as a hospital, it's just her neighbors have such terrible filth problems, the roaches effortlessly move from floor to floor, one apartment gets bombed, then all the roaches migrate to an other apartment. My mother's apartment happens to be in part of a large artery of roaches that go throughout the whole building from within the walls, they should just tear it down, give all the people in there new homes, and build a new hap building there. But Oregon has very little funding as it is, they're barely able to keep the assisted living homes open.

It's a pity, it really is, that people who have money don't want to share it to take care of the elderly and disabled.

We are here because of our elderly.

Americans have no respect for elderly it seems. Oddly enough though I'm an american born and raised, yet I learned values that don't often peek out here in this country. There are others who have values like I do, but there's not many. It's strange how our country has gotten extremely polarized, the ones who have no value and only care about themselves, they're the ones with things to share, and the ones who have nothing, they share whatever they get, expressing true godly way of being.

My views on god are very in between the road with everything. Christians would say I'm a devil worshipping hippy, but I'm far from that, I'm very deeply spiritual, I happen to believe god is able to be found, but not through only one road, and not through appreciating just one face of god. Though in nature my beliefs are pagan, I happen to believe that there is only one god, but that it's beyond our understanding as humans, and we still aren't even evolved enough mentally or spiritually to understand or comprehend anything relative to our incarnations, so we'd rather simplify it, some throughout history were smart enough to know about god and what created us, those rare beautiful people who were born with their third eye open wide, mind expanding beyond the rising sun, they knew about god, but still being human, arrogance and greed took them over, and they applied very juvenile ethics to it, like when the christians insult god by saying that god is jealous. God has no reason to be jealous, it controls everything. I refuse to believe god is jealous. The islamics say god is humble, I don't believe that either, because we have been made aware that something other than our mother created us, that somehow we're intelligent enough to know that we couldn't have just appeared out of nowhere, there had to be an explanation. So god creates so much beauty, it lavishly shows off with it's colors every day and night, the stars, the moon, the sun, the earth, the planets from our ever expanding universe, that's not an act of a humble or shy creature, it's a creature that sees beauty in it's achievements as god, and creates infinitely in every direction. God created us as male and female, but didn't create everything that way. So how are we to assume that god is split in two sexes? If god is male like mono-thiests believe, and god is female like the pagans and hindus believe, then what if that's just god's way of showing it's self to cultures that only accept images that comfort them, to the chaotic unbalanced west, a big tough scary guy who's gonna beat you up if you don't do as he says, that's what they will listen to, and to the east, a big scary man would be revered as a demon, so therefore ignored, so god presented it's self as mother, comforting the tender yet naive ways of the east.

A lot more can be accomplished as far as learning through love, but you must be afraid of what will happen if you do evil. Not because god will punish you, but the fact is, you're bringing punishment on yourself by being evil. Like the elderly ladies who love being mean to children as they pass by, those women are suffering due to being alone, and when they act evil, they stay alone. That's the punishment they should fear for doing evil.

What christians and pretty much any primordial spirituality fails to realize is that evil is not forgiven, it is punished. But not by god. It's punished by you.

Ever read "The Tell Tale Heart" by Edgar Allan Poe? Required dismal reading by the american school systems, right? Well that's a classic story of how a human punishes themselves for evils done to their fellow man. Undoubtedly that had happened to many a murderers in their lives, being haunted with images of the people they'd slain, and images of them being killed inside their heads, recycling the pain over and over and over. It makes you only good for one thing, and that's death. Just as if you had good experience with love, you become very loving, and teach people by example what love is. Not everyone will listen to you because you're in a world that's pretty much self centered and hateful, if not fueled by hatred.

The illnesses that mankind have are greater than they realize.

The processes of evolution are getting more and more obvious. Our knowledge is exponentially expanding and doubling every generation. I remember my grandfather telling me things about when I was in grade school, and he said it was clear until highschool that he even started learning that. That's evolution. Yet with our abilities as humans to read an entire book, we still fail to have any concept of peace. The hypocrisy of the governments, especially the united states, simply fact, we have a violent national anthem, an anthem that speaks of bombs and rockets, somehow that's how we've become free... one nation under a god that's not even worthy of arch demon status due to it's weak and fragile nature, being jealous and vengeful, fire and brimstone punishments, damnations to a place of eternal pain and burning.

God's too busy to spend all it's time damning people to hell.

It's my belief god wants us to become powerful and beautiful.

entertaining god with our concepts and arts.

I believe the way to god is honoring god through art and teaching people it is better to pick up a music instrument than a weapon, it's better to work for what you own rather than to steal it, it's a big world full of single people, you don't need your married neighbor's spouse's sexual favors, you don't need to hurt anyone's feelings, and everyone's above being treated poorly, just as they're above treating people poorly. It's society's mistake that people fail in learning or living.

It's society to blame when a teenager kills themself. It's the cultural failure that results in our children losing their minds and destroying the peaceful ways people live. It's our failure as one world that we still have starving nations and people dieing of the common cold or skin diseases that'd take simple clean water and soap to cure. It's our world's failure that we see people too sick in the head to be walking free on the streets doing so and spreading the sickness by perpetuating it through doing evil.

It's society to blame that people don't understand what sex is for. True it's not just for procreation, it's for fun too, and it does not apply to life now the way it did 200 years ago.

In the olden days it was revered as a horrific crime for there to be sex before marriage, some cultures punished it by death. Now a days people have 50-100 lovers before marriage...

That to me is sick. It says this world has no idea what love is. We grow up watching people fall in love, they have sex, then they get married, then the cheating starts, all because they had a fight, and to get revenge they find someone else to have sex with. Typical american love story.

It's european too. I don't really hear many stories from people in the Phillippines doing that.

I don't hear of anyone having sex crimes in Singapore. People maybe boring there, but they do have the right idea about sex, it shouldn't be a prerequisite to marriage.

Yet that's the way of our culture now. So now that love has changed meaning, and priorities in physical and emotional politics have been shot to hell, what is next? What shall we do to get people to understand love isn't dead in the world, it's just changed shape?

As everything does, life changes shape. How you can become a fat out of shape person by sitting on your ass doing nothing all day day after day or how you can become skinny and unhealthy by starving and running yourself out of energy and then running off fumes surviving off hamsterfood and the occasional chicklet as a snack.

And so it is with love, so I say.

I love my wife very much, she's not as passionate about music as I am, but she is as passionate about me as I am about her. That's what matters.

She's the best for me. Matches me like a fingerprint.

And so we move onward to the sky!!!